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As of now, I’ve handed in four out of five of my assignments due this month.  I submitted two group projects today and if that has taught me anything it’s I handle stress badly.

I am a really good team player – and that’s not me boasting! And I really do thrive under pressure. But being under pressure and being stressed are not the same things. When I am stressed, I feel like every little thing is out to annoy and frustrate me. I’ve always been like this but today reminded me, this is something I need to work on.

Since I’ve been on my fast, and spending more time with God (I know it has only been three days but honestly guys, it has been beautiful), He has exposed to me areas in my life that are far from perfect. Areas that I like to pretend don’t exist but He has shed a light on them and now I growing to be this woman He made me to be. And I am loving it (shoutout McDs!).

But today reminded me, I still have a way to go.

I started the day happy and prepared. By three o’clock, I had accepted that the five o’clock deadline would not be met. And with that acceptance, I lost all the joy I felt before. Stress drained me. I felt tired. I become a very down, very quiet and very very irritable. And in that state, I really cannot do anything.

I try and avoid being stressed. With the last few months being the busiest months of my life (second of uni is no joke!), I have done everything in my power to avoid stress and anxiety. And for the most part, I’ve been able to. But the thing wrong with that is it has been in my power. I have been reliant on my strength. As I write this I am beginning to understand, I do not have to be dependant on my own power and my own strength – especially because they can fail me. I can rely on God’s. I know it sounds super cheesy but it’s true.

As human, we all say and do things we wish we didn’t. We try to control all aspects of our lives, but we can’t. And maybe it is time to accept that because we can’t we should rely on Someone who actually can.

My friend Dan likes to remind me that I’m a control freak, and for the most part I am, but I really am starting to understand that I do not have the power, I do not have the strength to control everything. Just like how today our project was finished at 5:45 instead of 5pm and I could do nothing about it. My sulking and moodiness did not change the outcome, it did not make it finish any quicker, if anything it had the adverse effect.

Accepting this is not the same as accepting defeat or giving up – no, quite the opposite. It gives you the inspiration and motivation to work as hard as you can. But it also gives you the wisdom to realise when you’re at the end of the rope and invite God to take you the rest of the way.

The Bible says, “Cast all your anxiety on Him because He cares for you.” {1 Peter 5:7}

What else do I need??



Paula Melissa xx

Paula Melissa is a digital content creator, portrait photographer and freelance journalist. Since starting a blog in 2012 and graduating from the University of Sheffield with a Journalism Studies with Employment Experience degree in 2019, Paula has gone on to create and grow her own dynamic digital media empire. She loves reading, eating and spending time with her dog, Rolfie.
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